@vanessaragland : The batteries are dead in my electric toothbrush, so now it’s just a toothbrush. I am living the first draft of a Mitch Hedberg joke.

( via comedynerdsunited )

What happened to the Dufrenes?

( via gingerlovin )

I used to do drugs.  I still do, but I used to, too.

( via trillvalley )

 My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banan, I said, ‘No, but I want a regular banan later, so… Yeah.’

( via clownssyndrome )