doodles doodles doodles

what the fuck is a sesame? 

( via focusfixated )

“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer!” - Mitch Hedberg

cartoon art by Mark Collins

People teach their dogs to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.   - Mitch Hedberg 

( via kerfluffle )

“I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals. She was saying, “He loves me, he loves me not”. Thank God the flower can’t talk, what would it say? “Fuck, that hurts! Fuck, that hurts as well. Fuck! Leave me alone! I’m no longer pretty. And he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals.” 

( via rileyomalley )