Top Ten Comedians - #5 Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals. She was saying, “He loves me, he loves me not”. Thank God the flower can’t talk, what would it say? “Fuck, that hurts! Fuck, that hurts as well. Fuck! Leave me alone! I’m no longer pretty. And he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals.”

5 is a little low on the list, but we’ll let it slide ;)